Bye, bye baby. Hello toddler!

366 days later (leap year) and my blue eyed beauty is one. There are so many thoughts and feelings rushing around me yet I find myself starring at a blank memo pad. Where do I begin? I find it incomprehensible that a year ago I didn’t know you. I hadn’t experienced your laughter, your zest, your you. You started off as a black and white image on a hospital screen, you wriggled around and I remember laying there trying to make sense of how you could be inside of me. I never knew just how much my life would change. Every single day I smile. Every single day you remind me of what it means to love. My oxytocin filled veins just get stronger. (Sorry about the soppyness).
You have shown me how strong I can be and you have also striped back my strength and made my vulnerability naked to the world. You have tested so many parts of me that I am forever grateful. I feel, more than ever like I have a purpose. I have a little boy to play with, work for, share a world with.
I’ve been tested mentally and physically. I managed to nurse you for 10 months, I managed to ride out the pain. My broken body healed. My zombie state started to regain some human qualities and my sleep deprived mind adjusted to needing less of the dream time.
We constantly tell you that as you grow and learn more, you are to love and treat people equally and with respect, even if their opinion may differ from yours. We talk to you about animals, reading, school and even politics, about the sad happenings in the world and pray for a brighter future. We talk to you about how beautiful the world can be and is. How even though we aren’t flourished with money, you make us feel like the richest people alive.
I want to thank you for making me worry less, for making me clean my hands less, for nudging a little bit of my obsessive tidiness out of me, for making me realise that the washing can wait – there will always be washing!
This year has been wonderful. It has been hard, tiring, emotional but beautiful. Your first gurgles, claps, crawl and steps have just amazed me. You are such a sociable, interested little boy and I hope that never changes.
The 6am starts can be a real tester but when I climber out of bed and see you standing at your cot my heart just sinks (then the tiredness kicks back in and we cuddle up in the big bed together).
Thank you for bringing new colours into my life and for helping and challenging me and your daddy.
I want to capture the moments, all of them. The way you smell, the way you move, wiggle, dance, laugh. I want to become taller so that you can always wrap your little arms around me and nuzzle into my neck.
You alter everyday. Your hair becomes thicker, your language develops, you explore more.
You won’t remember the late night cuddles, but I will.
You, kidda’ are our auburn, blue eyed wonder and we are so excited to see what this next year has ahead!
Bye, bye baby. Hello toddler!

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