Time, please slow down.

Sorting out a list of nurseries to view for the Woozle.

I can’t believe that this time has approached already. I finally feel like my feet on our on the ground, that I can leave the house on time(ish), that maternity leave, although tiring, is pretty amazing, as everyday we constantly learn and grow with each other. You have added a thousand new dimensions to my life and for that I am grateful.

But alas, mummy has to work. I have to be a positive working role model for you. I have to earn the pennies so I can buy you everything you need.

Please, don’t resent me.

I am tearful for the days when he realises the excitement of the world that awaits, the time when he doesn’t need to nuzzle into his mummy, and breath my scent to calm down, the moment he is more settled and understanding of the world. A baby changes what love means, it empowers you with such a sense of protection that you can feel your stomach knot at the thought of anybody ever upsetting them, the thought of them falling down and grazing their knee, the thought of them making a wrong decision, the broken heart they will have to one day endure, the day they get too big, too old to hold your hand. All you want to do is wrap them in a bubble and freeze time, protect them with all your might.

He is a charming, funny, beautiful boy. He is my boy. I am his mother and now I have to prepare to let a part of my world go to somebody else. Time is cruel. As he steps tenderly into the world, my hands will be there to hold him, cradle him, tickle him and wipe his tears.

Blue eyes is asleep, in the land of dreams, unaware of the guilt, tiredness and endless love his mummy feels. He is gearing up to show off some more new moves in the morning, practising that ‘scrunchy’ smile that he knows me and his daddy love. My heart is full of pride, full of wonder, full of fear, sadness, happiness and joy.

I will miss the day when the long sleepy cuddles are replaced by the hilarity of the light up cow. But my beautiful, I look forward to the days of your self discovery, the days when you take those first steps, when you recognise your reflection and see how beautiful you are.

You fill my soul.

Time, please slow down.


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