‘Enjoy planting your seeds’ …

I was a hormonal mess. Me and Matthew had just got back from holiday and I was moody, stressed and tired. Not relaxed and feeling content (how you should feel after a lovely week away!) It occurred to me that Aunt Flo hadn’t visited in about 6 weeks. I put this down to having starting and stoping the pill. That wasn’t the reason. I honestly didn’t think I was pregnant. In fact, it was one of my work friends who thought that perhaps I could be. The outbursts of crying at work, the unhappy me. The feeling of frustration and upset would just not shift.

On the way home, I decided to pick up a cheap pack of pregnancy tests. I didn’t take the tests until the morning. It was about 6:45am and I ran into the bedroom woke Matthew up with ‘I think I’m pregnant!’ And I ran back out of the bedroom, into bathroom, forced out another pee and did another test as Matthew staggered in and brushed his teeth.

Two big fat positives showed up! How could I be pregnant? I had one week left at work before I started my next venture to become a teacher – my course started in just 2 weeks time!

I told my mum straight away, I was a blubbering mess. I had always wanted to be a mum, but I was just so shocked and it was such a big surprise to find out that I was expecting. What was I going to do about my career? How would I cope financially? Would the house be big enough for a family? I always pictured being in a secure job, in the career which I strived for before starting a family.

I was 25 and Matthew 32 when Podge began to grow. University were supportive when I told them my news and discussed my options with me. I knew that teacher training was a hard, challenging course to do and I knew that it would be even more challenging with a baby growing inside of me. (A concept which seemed so bizzare to me! I had a baby growing inside of me! – amazing!)

I think I cried every time I spoke about being pregnant for about the first 21 weeks. I was excited, but at the same time felt nervous, anxious and worried.

At our 20 week scan I gazed in amazement at our little baby. A baby that I was growing inside of my body.

As Podge got bigger, I felt his little kicks, punches and wiggles! I would lay in the bath watching him move from side to side, looking as though he would burst out at any time!

I was going to be a mummy. I had my little surprise growing healthy inside of me. My life had suddenly taken a different path, but this road was obviously the one we were now meant to be walking down. My little unplanned surprise added a new and different meaning to my life. He became my number one priority, even before I got to meet him.

Looking back I almost feel guilty for feeling how I felt and for not having some grand pregnancy reveal. My life had just been turned upside down and the shock accompanied with hormones just succumbed me.

My mum wanted to make the announcement exciting for my dad, so we went and bought some baby socks and put them in a little brown bag. Me and Matthew told him we had got him something from our trip out that day. He opened the bag and thought we had bought him thumb warmers. Thumb warmers?! He looked a little confused and after about the third time of me saying ‘Dad, you are going to be a grandad’ It finally registered and he jumped up in excitement!

When me and Matthew look back to when we possibly could have conceived, we think it was on the day that my mum had given us a tub of Miracle Grow plant seeds. As we were leaving my mum jokingly shouted ‘enjoy planting your seeds!’ – ironic!


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